Dammit!

This has nothing to do with this post. I just needed art.
Matt Dam-on. No.

Neill dog, how goes the wheelin' and dealin'? You secure Damon yet? Is it going to happen? Let me just say this; I hope not.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Don't get angry. I love Matt Damon, great actor. There's just one problem, he's too good looking. I mean seriously. Who would ever buy that the guy would ever have any problems.

You know who would be good in his roles? ME! I mean I'm fugly, spies would actually be surprised if I was a secret agent. How about them apples.

Don't believe me?

Examples.

Matt Damon as Jason Bourne. Here comes the awesome pen fight. We all love it, but it's totally not realistic.

Matt Damon: "I'm going to fight you with this pen."
Bad Guy: "Oh....ok. I was just going to ask for your autograph....but I guess we could fight."
Matt Damon: "Oh...well, I'm not really a fighter....I'm just trying to figure out who I am..."
Bad Guy: "Dude, you're Jason Bourne! I've had my eyes on you for a long time."
Matt Damon; "Oh, It's all coming back to me. Dude let's just hold hands and talk about theoretical physics."

END SCENE

See, totally not real. Another example? No problem! How about True Grit?

MattDamon: "I'm a Texas Ranger."
Jeff Bridges: "Hold my hand, I want to talk theoretical physics."
END FILM

See, he would have ruined that movie in real life! Why are you not getting this? Ugh...another scene? Ponyo.

Matt Damon: (Flickering light in Morse Code) "Tell your Mom I love her."
Kid: (Flickering light in Morse Code) "She's swimming out to you."
Matt Damon: (Flickering light in Morse Code) "WHAT? SHE COULD DIE!"
Kid: (Flickering light in Morse Code) "She can tell how beautiful you are from your voice, even though your 2d form doesn't represent what you really look like. She wants to discuss theoretical physics with you....between her legs."

SHIT! He evens ruins cartoons. No seriously, did you see Titan A.E.? I know, I know; not his fault.

Man...picking on Matt Damon isn't as fun as Sharlto Copley. I guess I was excited to have this back and forth thing with Copley...but he disappeared. Now I'm sad. I miss him.

Sad Doug