Side Tracked

Yo Neilldog, did I ever mention that I get easily side tracked? It's true too many ideas an---OH SHIT A SQUIRREL! Huh? What was I typing? Doesn't matter, fuck squirrels are dope! I wish I had a bushy tail like one of those fuckers. Do you know what I would do with it? I wouuld dust the shit out of my house! First I'd dust the --OH SHIT A CROW!!!

Crows are black. So is Blade. Know who directed Blade 2? Guillermo Del Toro, brother to the werewolf. He's not? Whatever, he is directing a Mountains of Madness flick though. So here's a uber quick Lovecraftian creature.

Why? Why when there's public opinion to continue on Jockeys, and I just started on District 10...fanart? Why suddenly and quickly shift focus to work on Del Toro imagery? Because I bought tickets to see Mr. Del Toro speak in Portland in September, and I'm all jazz hands about it.

Dude don't worry, you're still my favorite. I love his flicks though. Maybe I should bring a small pack of art and chuck it at him while he's on the stage. It could work. Any who; so yeah, this is still your blog. Don't worry, I'm a total Blomkampian fan. Your movies are way better. Oh! Shhhh! Guillermo is waking up. Type later.

Mrs. Douglas Del Toro (Blomkamp)

What the Eff Am I Thinking?

Sorry Neill, been on a little vacation. I know that the blog sort of decides whether you're going to have a good or bad day, so I feel like I let you down.

I also had a revelation, why the fuck am I doing a shit ton of images for the Alien prequel? The blog isn't called, "Please Look and me Ridley Scott (or Tony if you're looking)". It's fucking got your name in it. If I should be exploring any fucking potential for any other fake film, it should be one of yours. Am I right? Of course I am.

So here's a banged out photo-chopped image of the title. Yeah, I've warmed up for the whole invasion thing, but only because I think I found away around the ID4 plot mentality. I'll do more images in the future. Maybe using photo's like the above, but probably more paintings. I like to paint....on the computer.

Have a good one dude.

Doug

Warning!

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Triple Animal Cracker All The Way!

Dude, Neill, look at that shit. My buddy Wigg's gave it to me. Soak it in. View it's majesty. What does it mean? What the fuck is it? Zoo animal orgy? Some sick doctors experiment? Alien life form? Message from God? 2012? We may never know. It's a grand mystery that has no answer.

No, it's totally a zoo orgy, and that cat thing in the middle is both getting and giving; if you know what I mean. Wink wink, nudge nudge.

Have a good weekend dude.

Doug

THUNDERSTRUCK!

Sup Neill? Looks like my internet intervention worked. Despite the hard evidence of internet journalists, it looks as though you are not making The Hobbit or District 10...yet. Tetra Vaal has posted the intervention thread below that you are working on a film called Elysium. Now why the fuck a combat robot would even care what your working on is beyond me, but by his lug nuts, it seems to be true. Actually, why a com-bot would be using a AOL account is also fishy.

So Elysium...did you know the very first game I ever worked on back in 1997 was called Elysium. Except my Elysium never came out, and yours will. The game was basically Inception meets Stargate meets Dreamscape meets the X-Files, and took place in a world that existed somewhere between full on dreams and reality. It was the 90's so shit like that worked. I need to dig out some of the old concepts, I couldn't find any online. Why the fuck am I talking about an old dead game? Jesus, my mind wanders like Gandhi on a salt march...but without direction....or purpose.

So fuck, what do we know about your Elysium? Well your Wikipedia page says ""many sociopolitical ideas, wrapped up inside something that is like a Hollywood action film"". See, I like this. Maybe it could be about how like this guy buys his first house, and gets it appraised for refinancing and it comes back for nearly a hundred grand more than what he paid for it (it's a small starter home), he gets it refinanced; but then the market collapses and it's worth a thousand fucking dollars more than what he originally goddamned paid for it! That, and throw in a robot or something.

No? I think that would make a great film. Any way Slashfilm says this:

"Which also seems to be the same film he discussed at Comic Con last year when premiering District 9,

I’ve got one science fiction idea that I’m absolutely in love with, which I’m pretty sure is going to be my next film. 99% sure…It’s totally original, it’s my own story…It’s set on another planet, but it’s cool. It’s violent, very violent, and very unique hopefully. We’ll see.

He’s also said of the film,

it is science fiction and it has many sociopolitical ideas that interest me. Those ideas are wrapped up inside something that is like a Hollywood action film…The setting for the next film takes place 150 years from now. There are two cities that I’m choosing between. They would play as themselves. They are not in South Africa.

That last comment seems to contradict the ’set on another planet’ aspect, but no big deal. It’s his story — things can change.

More important is the Media Rights Capital part of the equation, which can’t really be over-emphasized.

When that deal was announced, we heard that not only would MRC finance the film, the company will give Blomkamp creative freedom and an ownership stake in the film. That’s a big deal."

A-fawking-men.

Violent? Very violent? I saw D9 man...how much more violent could you get? Like...the finger nail explode as their pulled out with teeth? Good grief, I'm gonna' need to bring a vomit bag.

Seriously, I can't wait dude, I can already tell this film is going to fucking rock.

Oh,the art...alien prequel, lunchtime shit, blah, blah, blah.

Doug

PS--The header comes from this (and AC/DC): Elysium is an obscure name that evolved from a designation of a place or person struck by lightning, enelysion, enelysios.

I love Dick.

Phillip K Dick, that is. Man Neill, have you read his stuff? It's awesome. I just finished Clans of the Alphane Moon. Humor, action, fake boobs, Ganymedean slime moulds; that book has it all! Well ahead of it's time. It's funny, it has all the trappings of why I used to not read much sci-fi. All the goofy terms and ideas. Now though...I can't get enough.

Anyway, so another Space Jockey pic. I might shake it up here soon. Do some other things, and come back to this. So here's a Space Jockey image. The legs fold up to allow it to sit in the seat from the original alien. All bio-tech, like the aliens themselves. The helmet is more of a plasma/force field thing. Image blowing a bubble; that's sort of how it's deployed.

My new idea for the alien/jockey relationship is this: So the Jockey's veiw themselves as sort of a benevolent peace keeping force. They aren't entirely. They breed/designed the aliens to be used as protectors/guard dogs. They added a fail safe though, a jockey has to be there to keep them in line. That oblong head allows the jockey to control them telepathically. Maybe even destroy them telepathically. Shit I don't know, I'm making this shit up as I go.

Anyway, peaceful pretty alien race asks the jockeys for help. They give a fake story about their planet being invaded, or the fear of it being invaded. The jockeys agree to help and send a group of three of them and several eggs to their homeworld. Of course, it's all a ploy. The happy pretty aliens want to use the xeno's the same way Weyland Yutani wants to; as bio weapons against their own people.

So the jockeys learn of this, fighting, airlocks and shit, and chaos ensues until the ship crashes. When I get it all figured in my head I'll put it out there. Anyway. Just thinking. Still.

Figuring this out in my free time. Which is like a minute a day lately.

Well, fuck-a-duck, time's up.

Dougland Yutani Williams

Quicky

Top O' the morning to you Neill. Uh...or afternoon. Any who...

How're things? Hopefully going well. So here's another pilot sketch. I decided to imagine my dream Alien prequel. My buddy Dan gave me the idea. I want to imagine a subtitled all alien flick. The rough idea is that the Space Jockey comes from a telepathic/mystecal/scientific race that relied heavily on biomechanics. They grow all their shit.

So these growers designed the aliens. I don't have a great reason why yet. Maybe to help clear out a planet of indigenous (low level) life before terraforming? Maybe they're basically junkyard dogs, a way to both mark and protect unclaimed planetoids. I don't know. Not there yet.

So they're planning on growing and shipping the xenomorphs for another alien race. Some of those race members are along for the ride. these guys are beautiful. Like Navi in essence. very courteous and shit. But...they're dicks. Like total greedy assholes. Total cunt buggers, the lot of them.

So the ugly alien breeders realize what the pretty fuckers want to do. Something horrible, like use the alien eggs as bio weapons, something that never occurred to the elephant men (I'm keeping the trunk, dammit!). A fight breaks out, shit happens, ship crashes. Warning sign goes out, the end. There's more there, I'll type it up some other time.

I like this idea, because it still paint the elephant man in a nicer light. For whatever reason, I really felt for that pilot when I say the film as a kid. So I'm partial to being sympathetic to him/her/it. Plus I like making the ugly fuckers the good guys, and the pretty aliens the assholes. I only worry about adding more aliens (three races) might turn this into Sta Wars. Which I don't think is right for the Alien universe. All this would be in the actual alien languages, and primarily in Avatar like 3-D (it would never make it's money back).

So that's why this suit is more Gigereaque; more like the actual alien. Since both were grown by these guys. The reasoning for the aliens is the really tough part...I'll figure it out. Of course...there's no reason too...I'm not...you know...writing it. It will be fun tough!

Cocks and balls!

Doug

Holy productivity Batman!

Dude, Neill, holy shit. Yesterday was mega crazy, but I got mega shit done. Like a surprising amount. Sweet! Plus, heading off to the peninsula this weekend. Heading home. Stephanie Meyer totally got PA wrong. Zero vampires over there. Just Lizardmen.

So as productive as yesterday was, not much was accomplished at lunch today. just this quick sketch. It's following some of Giger's original design more. I still love the trunk, but am wondering if it was supposed to be more of an air hose, like in the painting. It makes sense...a trunk of flesh would deteriorate. Maybe though the Pilot (Space Jockey) is truly fused with bio-mechs the trunk would not degrade. Tough call.

I also remember reading somewhere that Scott thought the Pilot was a bomber pilot, and the eggs were essentially bombs that would decimate a population with xeno's. I like that idea, and there's cool story elements in there. Especially the pilot dying by an alien chestburster. Irony.

I put the bubbleish helm back on the pilot from the sketch. It could be cool to have a fight between some smaller race on the ship and the pilot. The smaller guys would be climbing on the pilot, and one could turn the helm off for a second and the facehugger could jump in. then the pilot could frantically try and get the bubble down to stop the facehugger, but it's too late. Although, I like the alien sending out a warning, which would be uncharacteristic of 'the bad guy'. Man...I'm getting more and more curious with what Scott is planning. Every direction I try to imagine this film going has so many holes. Fuck, this shit is tough!

Oh well...more tomorrow...maybe.

Doug

Both ends...burnt

Neill, dude. I have two things I need to start with. One; by no means am I getting over you or anything. I'm still totally into you, and totally committed to this blog. Like, totally. I've just been super busy. Everything is sort of happening at once, some things that I thought were going to happen a while ago are happening now, things I thought would happen now, are also happening now. Plus I'm feeling super creative...I have more shit on my plate than I could possibly digest in a year, but I'm chomping away anyways.

So that's one thing, me being busy, and not ignoring the blog. The other is, I need to make sure when Ridley see's my blog that his feelings aren't hurt. I mean, fuck dood, I love Ridley Scott. Alien and Blade Runner are two of the most influential pieces of art to me personally, not to mention the rest of the world! So yeah, I still worry about the Space Jockey loosing some of it's mystery with a prequel, but I'm also excited to see what Scott does.

I love the exploration of the derelict ship in Alien. The mystery of it. It reminds me of a story of when I was at art school and was watching Star Wars with a buddy. I love Star Wars. There's that scene with 3PO walking in the desert, and in the background there's this huge skeleton. I said something like,"I love that we don't know what that thing is, it's just there." My buddy followed up with, "Oh, that's a Kryat Dragon, they're all over the Dune Sea." WTF. A dragon? That is dumb. Mystery gone. Some of that shit needs to be in there! Don't explain everything!

Anyway, so here I go. I decided to start designing what I think would be a cool Alien prequel. The above are some early lunch sketches of the Space Jockey not plugged into his cockpit. I read somewhere where Ridley refered to the chair as a space suit. It got me thinking. What if the whole ship is the suit? An organic massive transport suit.

We tend to think of a guy in a captains chair control a ship. What if the whole ship was the suit, you would basically be the ship at that point. it would be like a living extension of yourself. you would 'feel' it's hull, and always know exactly how close you were to something. So, I'm giving the tall drink of water lots of openings for plugging it.

I'm also thinking of story. Of other races, that we can relate with a little more. Because that big fucker is ugly, and will be no matter what. You can't drive the SS Giger and not be ugly. You just can't.

SO, expect some more of the sketches/thumbnails of a few more aliens, then maybe some 16x9 scene renders, followed up with some storyboards. It'll be a fun experiment. Plus, next time you see Ridley you can be all, "Dude, I know this guy, man is he handsome. He also drew some cool Alien prequel shit. Check it out."

Then you hand him the open laptop with this blog on the screen and Ridley will look and be all,"My God...it's full of stars...."

Stars....


Doug

Working it.

What do I do at work? I draws. That's right Neill, I get paid for this shit! The above piece was recently in an article here. Click the word 'here'.

I had more to the image, showing the inside of one of those bumper/go-karts. They were kinetic based. Some people thought they should be magic based. Whatever. They were based on shit that would never really work, so either way it didn't matter. These were fun though, and despite being three years old, they look pretty ok. I've learned a lot since then.

that's the thing about being an entertainment artist. By the time you get to show your work (if at all) it's like years outdated. I have a kickass plan to remedy this though.

Van art.

Dude, think of the possibilities! All we needs to do is get you a van. I'll paint the side with a kickass Blomkamp mural. I'll make you a wizard, riding on the back of an octopus with arms that are unraveling rolls of film. Of course there will be a total merbabe laying at your feet. Then you and I can drive to Penticton, chill by the lake, drink some Molson and look for Ogopogo. Ogopogo is a lake monster, dude. Don't be gross.

All right man, warming up the ol' airbrush!

Doug

Crunchy

Neill, dude, I'm still moving on this. I've been doing these other pages for some other project (and they're coming along swimmingly), but I snuck in a quick writing session. I was able to crank out a quick story layout. It came together really fast.

I always dig movie that tells a fun decent story on the surface, but underneath has more going on. Social commentary and shit. I eats it up. It's why I love the original Dawn of the Dead way more than the new one. It's way Alien and Aliens and the company line aspect make those movies more than just a scare fest. It's why District 9 was about the evils of cat food production. Our cats deserve better.

So the background emotion for my story sort of 'forced evolution'. Mankind changing. I remember seeing these dead zones at the great barrier reef. You'd go from amazing color, and amazingly crowded life, to nothing. Completely empty areas of bleached dead coral. Not one fish. Dead. It was one of the most unsettling things I have ever seen. It has had a profound effect on me. I guess that's really were the coral element comes in. It's still inked to that scary empty vibe. So forced evolution, what's that mean? I have ideas...maybe if and when I write more I'll explain more of what I mean. Maybe I'll just keep my mouth shut and let the reader figure it out. Maybe I'll strip down to my underwear and recite Christmas carols while running through a laundry-mat.

Any way...this is a way downer post for a movie about space zombies. I cranked out the image, the idea is to expand it, and you'd see the whole old crew calcified in a cargo hold somewhere. Sort of a 'reveal' moment.

Something funny...uh, oh shit, here's something funny/gross. And there's a lesson to be learned as well. After going to the bathroom numero dos, don't come out of the stall then go straight to the sink, cup water in your hands and drink it. It.....is.....fucking..... gross. GROSS.

Doug blarg Williams

Night of the Living Coral

Ch-ch-ch-ch-chaaaaa. That's some spooky shit Neill. Like in Friday the 13th. Ch-ch-ch-ch-chaaaaa. Any way, here's an old idea that I've never fully abandoned. It's basically pushing the zombie genre back to it's roots. Maybe shoving it a little bit into the sci-fi genre. Like in the old EC comics days. Alien microbes from space that cause mankind to go awry.

I feel like the zombie genre I have loved since first seeing Dawn of the Dead at Curtis Pitt's birthday party in middle school, is getting played out. It needs something fresh, and more than just speeding them up. I like the idea of having zombies being infected with some sort of colony creature from space. Like space coral. I think it would be best if not explained, but there could be hints. The space coral zombies would slowly calcify and be unable to move, but then they would have long tendril like feelers to grab prey with.

Originally I had these zombie colonies attacking a small cabin in the woods. they had these long tubes that made creepy noises. Here's an old image.

I planned on making a low budget movie with these things, but then our company shut down and I had a baby. Well, my wife did. Despite what some of my high school friends said, I do not have a vagina. At any rate, shit got nuts. In a good way (well the baby part), but still, effing nuts.

SO anyway, still like the idea, but now am thinking it should move to space. Like on a derelict ship. Involve a company and salvage rights and shit. I think I'll actually move forward on this a bit. I don't have much time right now, but I can squeeze in an image or two. Write up a few pages here and there.

Fuck yeah! I'm doing it. Don't worry, I wont take your crown. In fact, I'll probably forget all about this by next week.

What?

Doug

Lunch Floater

Yo Neill, sup dood? Like the header? Do you get it? It sounds like a piece of turd I left in the bowl at lunch. The funny part; THAT'S WHAT IT IS. Friggle facking fuck! Some days, fragnabbit, shit just does not work. Today was one of them.

So here's the fuggtastic fire fighting forestry robot. Pulls trees out of the way after they have been cut down. Some bullshit like that, originally it was the shoulder to a much bigger robot, but that illustration was NOT WORKING. I need a longer lunch...or more time at home. Something.

Luckily, my buddy Trevor shared this with me today. God bless you Trevor, from all of us. God bless you. Direct Link (or clip the pic dingleberries).
Hey, were you at Great Wolf? I missed you there...I know I said not to come, but I thought you would have read through that veiled attempt at sounding aloof. What gives? You missed a kick ass tattoo of a poorly drawn Mazda Miata on some guys belly (No, seriously, that part isn't a joke. It was amazing).

Well, have a good one. Better art coming soon!

Doug "Mandroid" Williams

Space Bot WIP

BBBBBBBBRRRRRRMMMMMMMNNNNNNNNNNNNNN! BRRRMNNNNN! BBRRRRRRMMMNNN! Hey Neill! Know what that sound was? A vuvuzela! The news is crazy for them. I actually think they sound cool, but I'm guessing to most I'm like a human version of a vuvuzela.

Anywho, quick robots today. Both unfinished. the orange feller was just for fun. He'll also have some wheels on his feet. You know...to go fast. Fuck, I don't know, he/she/it was fun to draw.

The soccer bot was for a goofy personal project. I decided my story-boarding portfolio is way old now. Been awhile since I've needed to do those. So I came up with an ad in my head for Nike. It has all these robots attacking a city, forming up together Destructicon style, and even a death ball sized soccer ball. Of course all these famous soccer (futbol and football for those of you...well...from anywhere else in the world) fight back and kick the shit out of them. Contrived? yes. So that was one of the mini balls.

I'll add more to both later. Goddamn shit is crazy lately. Heading to Great Wolf this weekend, so...see you there? We can go doubles on the tube slide, or you can watch my kids while my wife and I go. Actually, don't come, I need to work out a bit before you see me with my shirt off (oh, that will happen, that will happen). The rest of you there....sorry.

Doug 'Goin' to the Lodge' Williams

Lunch time space crash

Sup Neill. How's the program going? Remember, one at a time.

So, you might dig this, maybe not, but I've had a few people asking how I go about making lunchtime art. So, today I banged something out. I should spend longer on it, but it's was quick, and believe it or not, I have shit to do! Gawdamn I've been busy. It's not slowing Neill, It's not fucking slowing! Any way...steps...



I use a limited brush set and paint in Photoshop CS2 and Painter X. X, as in ten. That's it. Quick post today. Lunch is over...and I must work....

Doug Quick Post McDraw.

INTERVENTION!

Hey Neill. Man...I have to do something, something involving you. So I cranked out this piece at lunch so I could have a chat with you. Chat...I guess...well...shit...here goes...

Hey man.....psshhh....this is tough. I'm not sure how to say any of this....I think....I think you're taking on too much. I think your addicted to making films. Let me explain.

You made a great film. Right out of the gate. The rush and high must have been exhilarating. Now....I'm just saying....take it easy. Don't overdo it. this shit can kill you. See, I expect you to make another film; we all do; but three? It's too much at one time. Even Spielberg when he was on his full on film making binge in the eighties didn't take that much celluloid into his veins. Sure he produced, dabbled in some television work, but he didn't snort up three features at once. Don't deny it Neill; I been on the web.

Fine...you brought this on yourself.

Example 1: SECRET SCI-FI FLICK! The Hollywood Insider.

"It’s great news to hear that District 9 creator Neill Blomkamp has signed a deal with independent financier Media Rights Capital (MRC) for his next sci-fi movie. The bad news is that his next movie isn’t going to be District 10."

That is great news! I loved District 9. No, really I did. I'd love to see a District 10. I even have two fairly solid ideas how a sequel could play out (One's more solid than the other), and a third idea that merges the two. But I can't help but wonder if we need a District 10. I'd be the first in line if you made it (especially if it was based on my ideas), but what if there was just District 9. What if there never was an AVP. Trust me, those ideas are linked.

Example 2: DISTRICT 10! Market Saw

"DISTRICT 10 (Production title at least) is now in pre-production with filming to start in the October time frame this year. Shooting locations will be South Africa once again as well as New Zealand. There has been no word on whether it will be shot in S3D or not as of yet. You will be the first to know! Peter Jackson is again producing the sequel with Neill Blomkamp directing."

Oh! Ignore the above, you're making District 10! Fuck yeah! I think making two films at once is risky, but I bet you could pull it off. Sci-fi vs sci-fi. Maybe you could even share assets. I mean that shit is tight! Look at how secure the article is. PJ producing again! Right on! Is it going to be S3D seems to be the only real question (goodfuckingmuppets, I'm getting tired of everything needing to be in 3D). A little worried for your health...but you can probably pull off two flicks at once.

Example 3: THE FUCKING HOBBIT?!? CinemBlend

"The One Ring has picked up something from a spy who tells them that Neill Blomkamp is on board to direct The Hobbit. They haven’t been able to verify the rumor yet, but they seem pretty confident, and when it comes to Middle Earth, there’s no one better about getting this stuff right than them. "

By Gandalf's taint. Too much, too fucking much. Have you seen a middle earth movie? that shit takes time. You have to forge like a billion arrow points, and each has a fucking story on them. You can't make this your third. I mean, shit, you'd make a great Hobbit, but at the same time as your other two projects? Good fuck, no. You might as well hug Sauron's vagina eye and hope for the best. You're going to get burned!


So Neill, for your sake; slow down. 3 films at once is too much. I hated to be the one to have to tell you this, but all the warning signs were there, and somebody had to do something. Make one film for now, maybe a video or two. Rolling up three flciks at once is pure madness, and the street value of all that film could break the bank. Before you know it, you could be directing Money Tree and Sleep Country ads from an editing van down by the river. So, slow up. One at a time.

Your concerned friend;

Doug Williams

The Axe Man Cometh...

Yo Neill! Check it out! My office park is in the news!

We're on lock down. Can't leave the building. There's cops and everything. Even a chopper. The sketch above is who I think it is. I mean, I have no proof, just a guess. I'm also guessing he has debt issues.

Probably some whacked out stalker freak. Probably has a blog, but there's nothing on it but a one sided conversation and wild tangent rants. Know what I mean? Hello? Hellllllooo?

Oh well, I'm going to get some lunch. Fuck the lock down, I'm hungry.

Ha ha, lookit that guy. Nice hockey mask dumbass! You're on the wrong side of the border douche! How about I give you a slapshot to the--OH SHIT!

Doug Ass and Elbows Williams

Pchow Pchow!

Neill! Sup' homey? Things going well? Sorry I've been away from the blog. Crazy work/family time . School's wrapping up and my baby is going to be a first grader! It's insane. They're really growing. I'm going to put them in tupperware containers to slow it down.

I took on a bunch of projects at once....and now am playing catch up. They are all awesome though, and all learning experiences. What is the opposite for the phrase "When it rains it pours"? You know, when it's positive. When it suns...it sunn-i-ers...it burns? Shit, I don't know. It's all super great is what I'm trying to say.

Getting back to normal now though. I almost didn't post today; I have a copy of Left 4 Dead I've been meaning to play since Christmas. I was going to do that, but noticed that a few hundred more people were looking at this blog per day than just a few weeks ago. Wha' happened? How'd they find us? So I figured, I could crank something out and post it at lunch...which is over in three minutes.

Basically an old tank in some bombed out future shitty city. I mashed photo's of soviet tanks and a hind on top of each other, and brought out the mech shape from that. Super quick and dirty. That's it. Minutes left...uh....what can I talk about...um.....gee...OH!

Hey, how come asparagus can taste so good (grilled with a tad bit of salt) but make your pee smell so bad. I mean SO BAD. I ate a lot of asparagus last night. Now I'm embarrassed to pee in the restroom. IT STINKS!

Time!

Have a good one;

Doug peestinker Williams

Eff U BP

Yo, yo, yo! What's up Neill? Shit, been awhile. I just have been crazy busy. Good busy, just busy. You know, you get it.

So at lunch today I was fuming. Look at this fucker.

Can you believe that shit? 'I would like my life back'? Really? I can think of 11 oil rig workers and their families that would really like to get their lives back. You cunt stick fucker. You pile of shit. Are you really that tone deaf? Are you that fucking dumb? If you're just evil; like cartoony evil; well then shit, I'm sorry.

So what to do with you guys. I have an idea. Don't worry, I'm not someone who thinks you should be killed or anything. I don't know you. As much as your company is making my skin crawl; maybe you guys in person are not so bad. I don't know. My guess is that you punt puppy's into a turbine to blow off steam; but shit, I don't know. Still, you can't walk away from this scott free. I think we should use the letters B and P to figure out your punishment.

At first, I thought Butt Plugs. But there's plenty of people who actually enjoy those. I mean they make them for a reason, right? Then I thought Bubonic Plague, but that goes to the whole killing thing I'm not really into. But then...it came to me. Two simple words that equal a lot of discomfort.

Butt Pigeons.

We'll launch a Butt Pigeon a day into your anus'..anus's...shit where does that apostrophe go...at any rate you're all getting pigeons up your butt. Now inserting the air cannon to launch the pigeon into your rectum probably won't be too fun, but I'm guessing the pigeon scrambling to crawl out of your anus will be even less enjoyable. Then again, I don't know you. Maybe you'll dig this it.

So fuck you, dickwad.

Shit! Neill, dude, I'm so sorry. this should be an e-mail to you but instead went to Tony "BP" Cuntwad Fucker. I think that's his name. Sorry man, next one is for you I swear. No but pigeons.

And to Tony; I genuinely hope that you are a better person than you seem to be on video. For my hopes and beliefs into the whole human race, I hope you're better than you seem to be. Honestly.

Doug

Blarggity Blarg

N-n-n-n-neill! How goes it man. Here's a quicky.

We need more aliens with hamburger faces. Doesn't that guys face look like you could fry it up on a grill? Make a few patty's and serve it to the boys? Well you can't, because it would taste like shit! Bamblonians (Is that a generic enough sounding alien name?) would taste like bile and vinegar shaken in a metal tin full of arsenic. What? Yeah, I know what arsenic taste like.

I gots enemies.

Doug